Kevin McDonald | 2012
Kevin has taken time off from his life as a small business owner selling S&M videos on Ebay to join Cheap Sox. Kevin claims he can use a pen when filling out crossword puzzles as he "never makes mistakes." His perfection probably arises from his devotion to and continual studies of Pareatikkat, the Skeleton God. He frequently wears clothing representing Pareatikkat on his shirts. Part of his devotion to Pareatikkat requires him to wear a 10 foot long scarf around his neck at all times. Kevin's love for the musical Chicago has inspired him to move out to the Windy City. When he is not improving or selling S&M videos he is either watching the musical Chicago, eating exclusively from the Wendy's dollar menu, or competing in online flash-game tournaments.

Sam Vaughan | 2012
Sam is a cyborg. No really. He has a robotic eye and a motorized steel-reinforced arm that can smash concrete. Not really. He has weak bones, probably due to early onset osteoporosis. Sam broke his collarbone during a walking injury and as a result has a metal plate holding him together. Sam is double majoring in Women's studies and Freshman studies. Sam is a die-hard fan of the Los Angeles Sparks. He claims that they are not only the greatest team in the WNBA, but in all sporting events. Sam invented argyle while climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. Sam LOVES John Cusak. In fact, his top three favorite movies are: Serendipity, Identity, and Must Love Dogs.

Rachel Schoenbrun | 2013
Rachel is the only girl in Cheap Sox. She has a very personal relationship with all types of bottles, and feels that in order to drink from them she must first trade with them a piece of her tooth. Rachel is, in fact, a Cyclops and CAN SEE YOU through one eye. Her lineage stems from the Royal Hapsburg line in Vienna. Her hobbies include peasant-squashing, foliage-watching, and giving the local weather on TV. She thoroughly enjoys being handcuffed to other people and her biggest pet peeve is goyim. They just bother her.

David Schwartz | 2013
David is actually a midget but uses mirror and lighting tricks to make himself appear taller. He has a special disease where he can only speak in emoticons and will die unless he is wearing an American Apparel hoody. David has been so reduced to his personal logo that he has actually ceased to exist. David enjoys mimicking his favorite animal, the organ grinder monkey. This includes dancing, asking for money with a miniature pail, and jumping on people's backs. Despite much evidence pointing toward Al Gore, David actually invented the Internet.

Adam Bangser | 2014
Adam Bangser is the reincarnation of "the typical 80's kid." In fact, Adam Bangser is the soul of Fred Savage's character in The Princess Bride implanted into a different body of the same height. Actually, on Fred Savage's 13th birthday, Fred turned into Adam Bangser. Since then, he has become quite skilled at growing beards and, in fact, hates being clean-shaven. Sadly, Adam suffers from brow-dystrophy resulting in lack of control of the eyebrows and, as the tallest member of Cheap Sox, he is often told to "take his eyebrows out the clouds." Adam's greatest aspiration in life is to have an IMDB profile, unfortunately he doesn't know what the "internet" is. He has been seen, however, doodling the would-be URL in class (dotting the "i" with a heart). When Adam Bangser gets married, he plans to change his last name for the woman and already worries about how this will affect the search criteria needed to access the many future websites dedicated to him.

Dan Katz-Zeiger | 2014
Dan has knuckles protruding from his head. As a child, Dan put on his bubbie's ball gown and ran off to the Jewish Home for the Aging Gala. "This experience awakened me to dilemma of wearing a corset while wanting to stuff your face with matzo ball soup," Dan reportedly said. Since then, he has committed three minor felonies, and defended himself in court with "everyone's doing it!" All three times, the judge fell for Dan's puppy dog eyes, and so Dan roams free. Dan recently took at trip to Cashmir where he encouraged cross-party-discourse on cardigans vs. sweaters.

Katie Wartella | 2014
Katie once led a minor revolution; she fought to make carpool in her tiny suburb more efficient. It worked. Katie Wartella's last name used to be Hogwartella, but it was changed at Ellis Island. Her ancestors are founders of the infamous school of witchcraft and wizardry, which she will repeatedly tell you if she gets drunk. Seriously. Don't sit next to her at a dinner party. Katie has recently quit dancing after studying the art of ballet for eight years. When asked to comment she said, "my legs were tired." Katie Wartella has a prescription for extra strength Ginko Biloba.

Wally Napier | 2015 and Rachel Weinstock | 2015
Bios coming soon.